“I’m just trying to live my life, but it seems as if sadness always piles itself up around me. It’s in my bed, the toothbrush in my bathroom, and the memory of my cellphone.
Over the past few years, I’ve wanted to move on, I’ve wanted to take hold of something I couldn’t reach. What that is, I have no idea.
Not knowing where such obsessive thoughts were coming from, I simply drowned myself in my work.
Then one day I realized that my heart was withering, and in it there was nothing but pain.
And one morning, I realized that my beliefs, that I once held so passionately, had completely disappeared.
That was it, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I quit my job.”
- Takaki Tono by Makoto Shinkai,5 Centimeters Per Second
Most people would have thought that anime's are for kids alone. My parents often commented about my anime watching habits -- thinking it is too childish because the characters were mere hand-painted only. What they were oblivious about is not every Japanese anime were made for the pleasure of the 13 below age group, considering some of the subject dealings are mature and grownup to begin with. I am not talking 'hentai' here okay. Basically some of my favorite anime's were pretty much on the slice-of-life type; filled with allusions on science, psychology, religion; expressions of life, death and love, although the last one is placed recurrently in the Shoujo category.
Take for example is "Ano Natsu de Matteru". The characters are high school students in cute school uniforms, and yet I have found a sense of awakening on love through their very own complicated love stories. The pragmatic would just shrugged off their shoulders and tell you that that is not real life. However, if you disregard the sugar coating and the "alien" premise and instead look closely in the feelings of each characters, I dare you you would tell me right away that that is real life. The five characters were all involved in a love pentagon, all except for Remon (the petite girl in a different school uniform). I won't give in the details about who is in love with whom, but if you have been in an unrequited love before you would relate to the story.
I have come to realized that the most luckiest people in the world are those who had been in love with someone who also loves them back. That doesn't happen all the time you know, that's why there are words such as "settle", "conform" and "compromise". Chances are, the one's that caught our eye would always fall into the unreciprocated box. Love is not a feeling that you can force feed in to somebody else's heart no matter how good of a person you are. It only works on parallel ways. And if you are lucky enough to be in love find the courage to tell that person what you feel because you owe it to yourself to have a peaceful heart and mind. Rejection is inevitable; fear is a basic human emotion. Let yourself be heard -- although the outcome might be unfavorable -- and you would be surprised and overwhelmed by the kind of power and strength that love has rewarded you. Our courage releases us from the pains of what ifs and the what might have been. It is also through courage that we regained the freedom to fall in love again. So tell that someone what you feel, cry a little, and do not regret ever saying it.
For the past year, I have learned a few things about courage, taking risks and success, not from the context of my hard bound books, not from my favorite films, but through my mother and aunt whose life is the embodiment of those things. Both of them championed the art of hard work and showed us what it takes to become a real life Gabriela Silang. No kidding. My mother and aunt did not have a very frivolous life back in their youth , they were impoverished, they had no college education, they married early and had their offspring in their early twenties and yet they had manage to forged a successful career for themselves. (Shame on me to think I have something to prove). They never waver to share their blessings to their families in need without expecting anything in return. Although they talk very loudly and are often misunderstood because of their hot temper, I know they only mean well, specially when it comes to our welfare. They were shaped by time. They become the person that they are today because they refused to give up or give in to every trials that they encounter along the way. For better or worse, my mother is the voice inside my head pushing me to do better. I would always be proud to have them both in my life. They were never perfect, but I love them...and that's what makes them perfect. For the two most hardworking people I know, happy birthday mommy and auntie Baby!
Adding up to my list of favorite animes and things that gives me inspiration these days, Tonari no Kaibutsukun is based originally on the manga created by Robico. I like the chemistry between the two lead characters, Yoshida Haru and Mizutani Shizuku. Both of them are weird, but the guy is really interesting in a bizarre kind of way. Haru, is a trouble magnet, he glares at people and is often misconceived by his classmates as scary and mean, however, behind his tough exterior he is actually smart, caring and sweet, and has a special fondness for sheltering stray animals. The girl on the other hand, Shizuku, is a diligent student whose only concern in life is to study and to be on the top of her class; she is indifferent and doesn't care what people think or say about her . What I love about this anime is the imperfection of the characters. Both Haru and Shizuku are smart, and yet when it comes to the matters of the heart they are clueless and ill-equipped to deal with their own feelings. The anime also shows us the story behind their dysfunction, without giving in to the trappings of a romantic drama, rather it focuses on the fun of life, having friends, the joy and complexities of falling in love.
Oh Japan, I have loved you since my youth. When my cousin and her daughter leave on a jet plane to Tokyo to live and work there for four years I set aside all my feelings for you. Out of my foolish envy I presume. So I forgot about my Japanophile self by moving on with something else. Then I fell in love with France and I'd exclaimed to the world about my being a Francophile (oh France I still love you, you know I always do, because you had me at hello and my soul belongs to you). But sometimes, even lovers needs a time away. So I took off my French hat, said a momentary adieu to Canal Saint Martin and fly straight back to your heart, Japan.
Obviously, all these are hypothetical, because I've never stepped foot to Japan before and I have no means to travel there at the present time. I love East Asia, it is a culture so varied from mine, after all I came from the South East. The East have South Korea (I like even the grayish gloom of the North), China (although I'm pissed off with them because of their ongoing island dispute with the Philippines), and of course Japan, the land of the rising sun.
I would be posting videos and photographs from different sources online focusing on places, spots, culture and food that took my fancy. If I cannot travel there physically I would not deter my mind from running wild imaginatively.
My first take for volume one is the beautifully preserved old town of Takayama, located in the Gifu prefecture; the place is a cocooned of quaint little shops, coffee houses, sake breweries and street houses. I discovered this place through an anime I just finished two days ago titled, "Hyōka", where the author based the story from. Whenever I discover a place I always look it up on YouTube to see how it looks like with people moving and phasing around it . The video is nevertheless perfect as it shows us the Takayama through the videographer's eye as he rides, explores, captures even the most intricate little nooks of the old town with his bicycle and handy camera. Judging by the look of it, Takayama is such a clean and tidy haven worthy of travel time.
The second location that captured me on the get-go is the Chaya districts (teahouse) in Kanazawa. I've been researching about Kanazawa for more than a month now. The one that led me to this majestic place was the anime "Hanasaku Iroha" since the series got me interested on Japanese Ryokan. One thing leads to another, I came across Chaya through Japan Guide while reading about Kanazawa. The place is made up of wooden buildings and paved streets that would surely take you back into the Edo period. If you want to see a real life geisha -- perform a song and dance number -- this is the perfect place to visit.
It is not an excuse to neglect your blog just because you know there are no readers around to read and criticize your mundane entries. For the past few days (and months) my attention has been all over the place. I have a very short attention span (due to ADD) so if I get caught up on to something it is difficult for me to do other things. Figuratively speaking, my brain would explode into tiny bits if I am faced with numerous duties and complexities. It takes time for me to finish a task, let alone concentrate on doing anything. Fortunately though, I went on an introspective journey in relation to the purpose and intent behind my blog. I already made the necessary reformat last September, but I still have this nagging feeling of discontent and disinterest that cannot be cured off by my passion for movies or by any cut-and-paste information of my liking. I want to do more without trying too hard. I want to travel the world, but not blog about my trips; I want to go to every restaurants I read on the internet, gulp down the best food with my family & friends and make memories with them; I want to do photo and video shoots, with me behind the camera; and I want to go back to singing just for the fun of doing it. You see, I lose all the perspective of fun (that I have conceptualized) for this blog just because I made it a responsibility as a Cinephile to post film trailers, posters, reviews and all things related to movies under the sun. I was bored and all I've turned into is a bystander by default instead of a proactive doer. What did they say about idle hands being the playground of evil? I guess my petrified self was caught off guard and I've become a very willing victim.
I'm still in my lazy mode; exhausting up the last days of my twenties before the next year's dreaded thirty. All I've got to show is my return trip to my old Japanophile self. I've been consuming voraciously Japanese anime's, food and culture; vehemently imagining being transported to old towns of Takayama, Hokkaido, Hakone, Kanazawa and the neon lights of Tokyo; packing music uploads of Japanese music -- listening to them even when I'm on clothes washing duties and while I am taking a shower. Aside from anime's the movies I have only seen this month are repeats of Woody Allen's ouvre. Too bad!
I am still in search for my own niche. Not sure what it is, but I am certain I would know what it's like. I'm a not feeling too well though, I've got this runny nose and cough. I'm having a hard time hearing because of my nose. Mother weather is being fickle-minded, but I'm hoping fully that it won't get worst and that I'll recover in time for our trip to Quezon.
