Gone Too Soon: Remembering Brad Renfro 1982-2008

During my high school years my batch mates and I were fondly galvanize to young Hollywood stars of the 90s. There's our monthly collection of numerous teen magazines such as Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, BOP, BB and All Stars to our delight that made our pockets empty. We write letters to our favorite celebrities in our hopes to receive their autograph signed pic. In fact, I receved responses from Larisa Oleynik, Claire Danes, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Beverley Mitchell of 7th Heaven and the Spice Girls.

I never really had a classmate-crush thing during high school, I was in love with Taylor Hanson or to any cute teen celebrities and that's all there is to it. I remember then, everybody fancies Devon Sawa. Even my cousin would rewind repeatedly the part where he played the temporal version of Casper. However, some of us prefer Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Brad Renfro since Sawa's fanbase is too crowded already. But as they say, all good things must come to an end and so is our teenybopper ways. But still, I often wonder about them some time.

I was just watching E! News a few days ago and I discovered that Brad Renfro was found dead in LA on January 15, 2008. Reason of his death will follow after the release of his autopsy.

Renfro is famous for playing the rebellious and troubled teen in his past movies such as Sleepers, Apt Pupil and The Cure. But hist most notable role came from his first acting gig through the film rendition of John Grisham's The Client with Susan Sarandon and Tommy Lee Jones were he won the Hollywood Reporter's Young Star award. Although he suffered from substance abuse and some series of petty crimes at a young age and even went to court and jail for it you cannot dismiss his great body of work. He is undoubtedly talented and a cutting-edge actor among his contemporaries.

Surely, I would always remember him as Erik from The Cure -- a tough but warm-hearted fellow, a true friend despite of differences, someone who would carry you on his back and would go with you through the long miles and would watch after you in the hospital because you were stricken and dying with AIDS. Nowadays, his death made that film quite ironic to me since it was about dying young, only it wasn't the character he played.

I grew sadder by the minute after I discovered that he was in the middle of rekindling his acting career and he just completed filming the yet unreleased movie The Informers. Renfro is only 25 years old, gone too soon and a great lost to the entertainment industry. One thing is certain though, death comes for everyone. It has nothing to do with age, cultural background, religion, finances or even faith. We are all equal in death's eyes.

Farewell Brad, and may you find eternal repose and happiness with Him!

God Laughs

Much I've been reading about in journal entries from most bloggers in the world with regards to the new year's celebration was their being thankful for the past year and their new year's resolution for 2008.

This is something I cannot do for I'm half-hearted with what happened last year. Although there's a mix of joy and pleasure, 2007 was worst than ever...it suck! I'm also irreverent in writing my new year's resolution because I felt that when I want something and I swear on it by making a list the more they don't come true. They usually went from being possible to becoming not so feasible. Honestly, it crushes me to the bone.

What Jodie Foster said on The Brave One is true: when you love something everytime a bit of it goes you lose a piece of yourself.

I kinda feel that way. Most of the time. Well, maybe not the exact way she feels because my experience is completely different and it has nothing to do with losing a loved one over death. Mine is about my feelings over losing a time, a day, a month, a year and a chance to actualize my dreams. Everytime I see that happens a piece of me dissolves into thin air, and then a more sadder, cynical, complacent version of me emerges like a scar from a fresh, un-healed wound.

I've never been good in anything. I know I shouldn't complain. I know I must be thankful because I could eat more than three times a day, I have a comfortable place to sleep. I live in a house with cable TV, a PC with high-speed internet connection, a portable DVD player...and what else? I also have a cellular phone, iPod and digital camera. But I'm still so unsatisfied with my life. Maybe it's because I knew deep within me that my true desire is still yet unfulfilled.

I wouldn't deny the fact that I harbor a great amount of envy to those people who has traveled around the world. In fact, I envy those people whose parents drags them to a new country every holidays or in any given day and sees traveling as a priority and encourages their children to do it by themselves.

My parents were never interested with traveling. I hate that about them. My mother is so obsessive with staying at home all time. I hate it! Just because they were like that it doesn't mean that I'm also the same. It's so unfair that I'm being judge that way, too.

I also envy those people who has the ability or talent to become a writer but never putting their god-given talent to use, even letting it rot. I always say to myself, "if only I wasn't stricken with a language learning disorder, then probably my life is so much better."

I came to realize as well that I'm an agnostic. God is surely surrounding us, just like the devil himself, because they're obviously fu**ing with our lives. And as far as religion and spirituality is concern I don't believe in anything anymore. This life we have now is hell and if you've found happiness in the present then you might as well enjoy it because it's not going to get any better after you die. Who knows about life after death? Who can attest to it? N-O-N-E!

But at the end of day everybody expects you to be grateful and to say these words out loud, so I'm saying it now...thankyouverymuch!