Gone Too Soon: Remembering Brad Renfro 1982-2008

During my high school years my batch mates and I were fondly galvanize to young Hollywood stars of the 90s. There's our monthly collection of numerous teen magazines such as Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, BOP, BB and All Stars to our delight that made our pockets empty. We write letters to our favorite celebrities in our hopes to receive their autograph signed pic. In fact, I receved responses from Larisa Oleynik, Claire Danes, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Beverley Mitchell of 7th Heaven and the Spice Girls.

I never really had a classmate-crush thing during high school, I was in love with Taylor Hanson or to any cute teen celebrities and that's all there is to it. I remember then, everybody fancies Devon Sawa. Even my cousin would rewind repeatedly the part where he played the temporal version of Casper. However, some of us prefer Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Brad Renfro since Sawa's fanbase is too crowded already. But as they say, all good things must come to an end and so is our teenybopper ways. But still, I often wonder about them some time.

I was just watching E! News a few days ago and I discovered that Brad Renfro was found dead in LA on January 15, 2008. Reason of his death will follow after the release of his autopsy.

Renfro is famous for playing the rebellious and troubled teen in his past movies such as Sleepers, Apt Pupil and The Cure. But hist most notable role came from his first acting gig through the film rendition of John Grisham's The Client with Susan Sarandon and Tommy Lee Jones were he won the Hollywood Reporter's Young Star award. Although he suffered from substance abuse and some series of petty crimes at a young age and even went to court and jail for it you cannot dismiss his great body of work. He is undoubtedly talented and a cutting-edge actor among his contemporaries.

Surely, I would always remember him as Erik from The Cure -- a tough but warm-hearted fellow, a true friend despite of differences, someone who would carry you on his back and would go with you through the long miles and would watch after you in the hospital because you were stricken and dying with AIDS. Nowadays, his death made that film quite ironic to me since it was about dying young, only it wasn't the character he played.

I grew sadder by the minute after I discovered that he was in the middle of rekindling his acting career and he just completed filming the yet unreleased movie The Informers. Renfro is only 25 years old, gone too soon and a great lost to the entertainment industry. One thing is certain though, death comes for everyone. It has nothing to do with age, cultural background, religion, finances or even faith. We are all equal in death's eyes.

Farewell Brad, and may you find eternal repose and happiness with Him!

God Laughs

Much I've been reading about in journal entries from most bloggers in the world with regards to the new year's celebration was their being thankful for the past year and their new year's resolution for 2008.

This is something I cannot do for I'm half-hearted with what happened last year. Although there's a mix of joy and pleasure, 2007 was worst than ever...it suck! I'm also irreverent in writing my new year's resolution because I felt that when I want something and I swear on it by making a list the more they don't come true. They usually went from being possible to becoming not so feasible. Honestly, it crushes me to the bone.

What Jodie Foster said on The Brave One is true: when you love something everytime a bit of it goes you lose a piece of yourself.

I kinda feel that way. Most of the time. Well, maybe not the exact way she feels because my experience is completely different and it has nothing to do with losing a loved one over death. Mine is about my feelings over losing a time, a day, a month, a year and a chance to actualize my dreams. Everytime I see that happens a piece of me dissolves into thin air, and then a more sadder, cynical, complacent version of me emerges like a scar from a fresh, un-healed wound.

I've never been good in anything. I know I shouldn't complain. I know I must be thankful because I could eat more than three times a day, I have a comfortable place to sleep. I live in a house with cable TV, a PC with high-speed internet connection, a portable DVD player...and what else? I also have a cellular phone, iPod and digital camera. But I'm still so unsatisfied with my life. Maybe it's because I knew deep within me that my true desire is still yet unfulfilled.

I wouldn't deny the fact that I harbor a great amount of envy to those people who has traveled around the world. In fact, I envy those people whose parents drags them to a new country every holidays or in any given day and sees traveling as a priority and encourages their children to do it by themselves.

My parents were never interested with traveling. I hate that about them. My mother is so obsessive with staying at home all time. I hate it! Just because they were like that it doesn't mean that I'm also the same. It's so unfair that I'm being judge that way, too.

I also envy those people who has the ability or talent to become a writer but never putting their god-given talent to use, even letting it rot. I always say to myself, "if only I wasn't stricken with a language learning disorder, then probably my life is so much better."

I came to realize as well that I'm an agnostic. God is surely surrounding us, just like the devil himself, because they're obviously fu**ing with our lives. And as far as religion and spirituality is concern I don't believe in anything anymore. This life we have now is hell and if you've found happiness in the present then you might as well enjoy it because it's not going to get any better after you die. Who knows about life after death? Who can attest to it? N-O-N-E!

But at the end of day everybody expects you to be grateful and to say these words out loud, so I'm saying it now...thankyouverymuch!

Creo

Lately, I've been reading blog spaces, whether by a friend (Abbie), an intelligent host (Bianca Gonzales), and by some random people that just pop out of nowhere through search engines. Their shared thoughts, experiences, point-of-views and interests really inspires me to be more creative and to write more blog entries.

Words are really powerful. They can influence us to be more positive and help us to strive for our own dreams. If only I could read all the blogs in the world...hehehehe. If only I could accomplish all these dreams...I want to take more pictures. I want to travel. I want to finish my scripts. I want to learn a new language: French & Spanish. I want to paint. I want to help everybody. I want to be useful. I want to meet my idols. I want to sing everyday and master the art of playing the guitar. I want to learn to play the violin. I want to write a song. I want to become a filmmaker. I want to join a greenpeace boat. I want to sky-dive and bungee jump. I want to be more accepting because I know there's no such thing as satisfaction. I want my horizons to broaden up a little more. etcetera...

Never stop your desires. Always try your best even if the circumstance seems to go against you. What are you waiting for? Now is your time to move forward! Now is your time to CREATE.

What about you, what dreams would you like to accomplished someday? Please feel free to share your thoughts. Merci!

Shhh!!!!

I don't mind if nobody tell me their secrets. So what!!!
Would that information be a life altering experience for me to begin with? Would it make me a better person? Would it change my quality of life? I don't think so.
Actually, I prefer not to be confided with highly confidential secrets. When you were ask by a friend to keep one he or she is holding you responsible if the information leaks out one way or another. There is too much burden imposed on a person when you keep someone else's secrets. That's why it makes me wonder, are they really concerned about their friends to let them bear their own load? Because we know, they know -- a secret would always be out in the open -- and it's human nature to scratch for the itch. When you give someone your secret it becomes a burden to that person and the natural tendency for him or her is to confide it to someone just to lessen the weight he or she is carrying.
What I hate the most is when someone talks about something, but they would never tell you what it is and instead they would say, "it's a secret!" Screw you! I really hate it when they let you know there's a secret, but they refuse to give you the detail or the key to unlock it. In that case, then they shouldn't mention it in the first place because it's also the same with saying: "I cannot trust you, you're a blabber." So, if you're not interested to tell someone your secret then it's better if you don't say anything or if you just shut your mouth and keep it to yourself. That way, everybody's calm, peaceful and happy.

Over the Rainbow

As they say, as long as there is life there is hope. God has an odd way of testing our faith and making us a better person. Through our tribulations or trials, that can be so difficult at times or most of the time, that's where we learn and become better. It would taught us to be more stronger and wiser in our future decisions. Sometimes, we want to give up by ending our life...it happens to all. But taking our life doesn't end a thing but only suspends the pain for a very short while. I often times complain about my life...feeling everything has gone awry, but then again, I felt guilty for complaining because in a way, I'm still blessed despite of my misfortunes. I can see, I can talk, I can hear and I can walk and most of all I have the power of reason because I'm not mentally challenged. Maybe, I'm not the greatest human invention. Maybe, I'll never be special. But what's the use of complaining when at the end of the day, there is nothing to gain, only pain, suffering and hatred. The least I could do is to make use of the time that has been given to me. If fate is still against me, at least I'm confident with the knowing that I stand up to what I believe in and I kept on fighting for what I want. Don't give up...there will be a greater plan for you. Don't just moan over...do something. Don't ever wait for reward to happen or to be given because the more you wait for it the more it evade, thus making you more miserable.

May the force be with you!!!

Carpe Diem.